Vanishing Hopes
by MoonytheMarauder1
Summary: Peter wanted more than anything to believe that his friends liked him for himself, but he wasn't the wonderful person they seemed to think he was. He had flaws—lots of them. Warnings for bullying and a referenced rough home life.


**A/N: Hey y'all! This was written for Hogwarts. Prompts are below.**

**Wandlore Task 9: Write about a sensitive person**

**Note: I'm using two definitions of sensitive here—someone easily upset or offended (Peter) and someone having a delicate appreciation of someone's feelings (Remus). That's why both characters are featured so prominently. :)**

**Word Count: 2335**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. Those rights go to JK Rowling.**

**WARNINGS: Bullying, rough home life (not in detail)**

**Enjoy!**

"Merlin, Pettigrew, are you even listening? You have to jab your wand while moving it counter-clockwise."

Peter looked up at his seventh-year Charms tutor, frowning. "That doesn't make any sense," he said, barely keeping himself from snapping.

The Ravenclaw rolled his eyes. "It would if you were smarter," he bit back, patience worn thin.

Hurt filled Peter's blue eyes, and he looked away. "It's not all about you, you know, Smith."

Smith began gathering up his books, dark hair flopping in front of his eyes. "Believe me, the extra credit isn't worth all this. Find someone else to help you, Pettigrew."

Peter deflated, but didn't stop the older boy from stalking out. Once he was alone, he put his head in his hands and sighed. OWLs were fast approaching, and he _needed_ help in Charms. Smith was supposed to be good, but he hadn't counted on the boy's impatience. Remus had spoken highly of him; Peter had thought that the sessions would go smoother than they had.

Peter glanced down at his wand, still on the table where he'd dropped it. He thought about Smith's words: _It would if you were smarter_.

He winced. It wasn't even about magical ability anymore. They all thought he was an idiot. He wasn't oblivious to the whispers that always followed him—he knew that no one at school could quite figure out why he was friends with the other Marauders. To be perfectly honest, he wasn't quite sure, either.

He envied James and Sirius for having the ability to push others' opinions of them aside. It was so hard for him to see himself in an untainted light. He sighed to himself, rubbing the back of his neck in frustration. He didn't understand why he couldn't just _understand_. No one else seemed to be having this much trouble.

And he was so tired of being the joke of Gryffindor Tower.

"Hullo, Peter! I thought you'd still be with Smith."

Peter looked up to see Remus walking towards him, his face just visible above a massive stack of books. He immediately felt himself relax; the school may have thought that James and Sirius were the two closest Marauders, but Remus and Peter were just as close.

"Hi, Remus. That's not all homework, is it?" If it was, he was going to _die_. He didn't have enough time to do all that.

Remus grinned and shook his head, tawny curls just long enough to fall against his cheekbones. "Nah, this is just for fun."

Peter shook his head, trying to summon up a smile. "You and your books."

Remus shrugged. "Guilty as charged. Now, how'd your session go?"

Peter slumped in his seat. "It was horrible," he admitted. "Smith quit. He said…" Peter gulped. "He said I wasn't worth the effort," he finished in a mumble.

Remus' amber eyes widened in surprise for a moment before narrowing in outrage. "Merlin, I thought he was nice. Sorry, mate. Don't listen to him—he's obviously an idiot."

Peter shrugged, then looked up at his friend apologetically. "Sorry. I know you liked him."

Remus waved his concern aside. "Not that much, anyway. It's a shame, though. All the good looking ones are either taken, gits, or my best mates."

Remus let out a laugh after that, but Peter shook his head. He hoped that one day Remus and Sirius would _get a clue._

Remus pulled out the chair beside Peter and sat down in it, his face growing solemn. "So," he began softly, "when did it go wrong?"

Peter ran a hand through his blond hair in despair. "For me to answer that question, it would have had to go right at some point and it really didn't."

Remus winced in sympathy. "I'm sure it wasn't as bad as you think. Do you know what you were doing differently than he was?"

Peter looked at him helplessly. "I do what he does, just slower. But it's still not working."

Remus tapped his scarred chin thoughtfully. "Maybe it's not the wand movement—maybe it's your confidence. If you've convinced yourself you can't do it, your magic will respond to that."

Peter fell silent. If that was the issue, then he thought he might be doomed. He cleared his throat. "Let's get to lunch. Prongs and Padfoot must be waiting."

Remus' amber eyes told him that he wasn't fooled by the change of subject, but he let it slide anyway, for which Peter was grateful. After Remus checked out his (frankly ridiculous) large stack of books, the two fifth-years made their way to the Great Hall.

Peter had been right; James and Sirius were waiting for them. The two black-haired boys excitedly waved their friends over, eyes alight in mischief.

Remus gingerly took his regular seat beside Peter and across from Sirius. "You haven't cursed our meals, have you?"

Sirius put a hand over his heart, feigning offence. "Moony, we would _never._"

"But you would," Remus quipped, loosening his red and gold tie before picking up his cutlery. "You absolutely would."

James ran a hand over the back of his head, messing up his untidy hair even further, and grinned. "Moony has a point, Padfoot. It's not like we haven't done it before."

"Tell me about it," Peter said glumly. "I was coughing up feathers for weeks."

Sirius let out a bark-like laugh, throwing his head back. "Sorry, Wormtail, but you have to admit it was funny."

Peter wondered, a bit bitterly, if it would have been as funny if Sirius or James had been the victim.

His musings were interrupted by the loud rustling of paper, and he turned to see Remus take a large bite out of Honeydukes' finest. His brows rose in surprise.

"I thought you ran out of chocolate last week."

"I did," Remus said brightly. "Lily bought me this, in thanks for helping her with Defense. She has good taste in chocolate, that girl."

Sirius got a wicked grin on his face and James and Peter exchanged exasperated looks. "You know, Moony, if the chocolate's that good, the least you could do is share it with the rest of us."

Remus' eyes narrowed in warning. "Touch my chocolate and I will stab you."

Sirius laughed. "With what? The butterknife? I'll take my chances."

Remus rolled his eyes and took another bite of his bar. "You are a pain. I don't know why I put up with you."

Sirius winked at him, grey eyes sparkling. "It must be because of my devilishly good looks and wicked sense of humor."

Remus finished his chocolate. "Your looks may be devilish, but your sense of humor leaves something to be desired."

"Oi!"

James and Peter burst into laughter. "He's got you there, mate," James cackled, patting the dog animagus on the back. Sirius looked extremely put out. "He's got you there."

Sirius crossed his arms. "I'm funnier than Wormtail, anyway. Everybody thinks so."

Peter immediately stopped laughing, his good mood gone. He could feel his face warming up, and he stared down at his hands.

Remus, noting his discomfort, cut in swiftly and effectively. Peter appreciated his help, but he hated how he had to rely on Remus' assurances to realize that, when James and Sirius made these comments, they were only joking.

But then he saw how oblivious Remus was to Sirius' blatant flirting, and wondered if what Remus told him was really the truth at all.

* * *

That evening, Peter sat on his bed, the hangings shut for privacy. Sirius and James had gone down ages ago to prank some Slytherins, and Remus was busy with prefect duties. He was alone for now.

Peter was thinking hard about his life. Remus tended to see the best in everybody, which, while a noble trait, was sadly optimistic in Peter's opinion. He would trust anyone who hadn't given him a reason to doubt him, and he refused to see the bad in people unless presented with indisputable evidence. This, Peter felt, would set him up for a series of ruthless disappointments.

Peter, on the other hand, did _not_ trust others—but he did hold great stock in what they thought of him. Every joke about his intelligence had him putting up walls. Every slight against his courage had him questioning whether he was in the right house. Every opinion he had of himself came from someone else—he was sick of it, but it wasn't something he could change.

In an effort to escape these complicated thoughts, Peter transformed into a rat and curled up on his pillow. He shut his black, beady eyes and tried to drift off to sleep. He'd almost managed it when a flash of lightning lit up the room, quickly followed by a clap of thunder. Rain began pounding against the window, and with Peter's enhanced hearing the noise quickly became too unbearable. He transformed back to himself, and just stared out of the window at the dark blue, stormy sky.

Minutes later, Remus came in. He caught sight of Peter and frowned concernedly. "Everything okay, Peter?"

Peter tried for a smile and nodded. "Course it is."

Remus raised a brow, unimpressed. Still, he changed the subject. "I thought I could help you with that spell now, if you want. We can get to the bottom of it."

Peter sighed and scrubbed a hand over his face. "Thanks, but I think I'll just… not learn it. Nothing I do works."

Remus looked worried. "Wormtail," he said slowly, dragging the word out. "You can't just give up on yourself because one spell won't work."

Peter scowled. "It's not just the _spell_. No matter what I do, something always goes wrong."

"I think everyone feels that way sometimes," Remus said gently.

Peter looked at him in disbelief. "Even James and Sirius?"

Remus shrugged. "James and Sirius are anomalies in everything they do. Who knows what goes on in their minds?"

Peter turned away. "No one's saying things about them, though."

Remus came over and sat beside his friend. "If this is about what Smith said, he's wrong. You've made Os on all your potions assignments all year, and you're doing fine in all your other classes."

"I need Charms to pass the OWLs," Peter responded miserably.

Remus shook his head. "I know you'll pass. And even if you can't take the NEWTs, just… go with plan B."

"There's no plan B." Peter sighed. "I know what Mum wants me to do, and I need NEWT level Charms for that."

Remus bit his lip. "You don't need to fulfill your mum's wishes, Peter. Not if you don't want to."

Peter groaned. "You don't get it. She's the one parent who—" He broke off, glancing at Remus in embarrassment. "Never mind."

Remus hesitated for a moment. "The one parent who _what_, Wormtail? You know you can tell me anything."

Peter closed his eyes. "You know how my mum and dad are separated?"

Remus nodded.

Peter took a deep breath and continued. "It was because… because Mum didn't like how he always spoke to me. I was never good enough for him. But I… but I _wanted_ to be."

The admission was quiet, shamefaced. He felt so weak right now, and he hated it. What Gryffindor was so afraid of rejection? What fifth-year couldn't master a charm? What son never failed let down his father? He felt like a joke. He wasn't brave, or bold, or noble. He wasn't the sharpest knife in the drawer. Most of all, he wasn't someone who knew how to keep the people he cared about.

Remus was silent for a long time. Finally, he said, "He sounds like a right prick, mate. I'm sorry he put you through that."

Peter yanked gently on his hair. "You think it's stupid to care what he thinks, don't you?"

"No," Remus said quietly. "I don't."

Peter looked up, then quickly ducked his head back down when he realized his tears were prickling at his eyes. "You don't."

"No. I get it. Not in the same way, maybe, but I know all about being afraid of letting people down." Remus' voice sounded strange, prompting Peter to look up. "Peter, I—you might not believe me, but you don't have to pretend around us. That's a bit rich, I know, coming from me… but it's the truth."

Peter laughed a bit hollowly. "It's going to take a bit more than words to get me to believe that, but I appreciate it, mate."

"Well, I mean it," Remus said firmly. "Things are… they're getting dangerous, Peter. We'll need each other more than ever. You can _always_ count on me."

Peter shivered. "I don't want to think about it," he admitted. It didn't matter that his words weren't typical of a Gryffindor—Remus had confided similar feelings to him before, when it came to the war. "I know it's stupid and won't help, but I just… can't face it right now."

"But that's a perfectly sensible thing, to be scared. It means you're keeping your wits about you." Remus smiled at him, but it was a tired, terrified smile that should have belonged to someone much older. "Merlin knows I'm afraid."

Peter kicked at his bedsheets. "Some Gryffindors we are."

Remus tilted his head to the side. "I think we're better, actually. We're not going to let the fear stop us, are we?"

Peter agreed out loud, but inside he wasn't so sure. Unless he could grow more of a backbone before he graduated, he couldn't see himself taking action. Some things were too paralyzing to come back from.

But he couldn't say that to Remus—good, kind Remus who always did what was right, no matter what it cost him. Peter couldn't admit to his cowardice. As good as his intentions were, Remus was wrong—he would always have to pretend, because he had somehow fooled Remus into thinking he was stronger than he was.

And just like when it came to everyone else, he couldn't stand to have Remus think badly of him.

**Camille** Abby **Fae** Brooke **Alec** Cyrus **Edmund**

**A/N:**

**Writing Club:**

**Assorted Appreciation: Klaus Heissler — Write about an animagus **

**Disney Challenge: Themes 2. Expectations — Write about someone who does not match up with expectations**

**Book Club: Ben — (dialogue) "But that's a perfectly sensible thing, to be scared. It means you're keeping your wits about you.", (word) tired, (object) tie**

**Showtime: 2. This World Will Remember Me — (dialogue) "There's no plan B."**

**Amber's Attic: Dialogue 1. "That doesn't make any sense." / "It would if you were smarter." (5 bonus points)**

**Liza's Lyrics: 5. Blue - All Rise — "Baby, I swear I tell the truth."**

**Angel's Arcade: 12. Cassandra — (word) noble, (trait) trusting, (relationship) best friends**

**Lo's Lowdown: 11. (dialogue) "I do what he does, just slower."**

**Bex's Basement: 8. "When did it go wrong?" / "For me to answer that, it would have had to go right at some point and it really didn't."**

**Film Festival: 25. (dialogue) "It's not all about you, you know."**

**Seasonal Challenges: **

**Days of the Year: 28th May — Write about something unhealthy, but enjoyable**

**Spring: 18. (weather) rain**

**Earth: 12. (word) warming**

**Amanda's Challenge: Characters 17. Klaus Baudelaire — Write about someone who is smarter than people think they are**

**Hufflepuff Challenge: Traits 10. Trustworthy**

**Fortnightly Challenge: **

**Space Mom: 5. Write about someone opening up about a dark time in their past**

**Capcom Lives: 6. Vergil — (word) ruthless, (color) dark blue**

**Magic Kingdom: Main Street: 3. The Confectionary — (dialogue) "Touch my chocolate and I will stab you."**

**Gym: Madam Pomfrey: Dialogue 4. "You are a pain. I don't know why I put up with you."**

**365 Words: 351. Lightning **

**Insane House Challenge: 943. (era) Marauder**


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